20 Extremely Boring Bandit Hooks

Last week: Seven Very Boring Cultist Hooks

In low-level adventures, bandits are probably even more common than cultists. Little thought is typically given to who these people are or why they're doing what they're doing. Well, I've given it some thought. I've given it a lot of thought. 

What the wide-eyed idiots in the villages are saying. The bandits’ reply.

1. Freebooters are picking the lord’s land clean! I guess word hasn’t reached you provincials yet. The local lord ceded this land to me in the last witan, and I’m going to strip it and flip it. Hey, interested in a fiefdom? Want to marry one of my deadbeat sons?
2. Bandits are setting fire to the orchards! We’re not bandits. We’re a grove of druids conducting controlled burns to promote healthy growth. they glower pastorally at the PCs
3. Outlaws stole all of our precious tchotchkes and threw them in the river! OK, we did do that. We’re obsessive thrill-seekers and we think we may have a problem. We definitely have a problem. We need help. Could you please help us?
4. The pillagers are going door to door and shaking down ordinary citizens! I am sorry that you seem to be confused. We are duly deputized tax officials, and this entire region is in arrears. If you don’t like our collection techniques, take it up with your absentee baron.
5. The brigands sadistically force their captives to dance for their amusement! You’re misinformed! We’re not (just) brigands, but also cultural envoys! We’ll release anyone who can teach us a unique dance from their homeland. [convincing fabricated ones will work too]
6. Foreign raiders have disrupted the peaceful tranquility of our villages! What!? We're refugees from a war these people started. They owe us. We have hungry (and heavily armed) families to feed!
7. The manor lord pays ~GOOD COIN~ to check his snares for captured bandits. Please, I’m not a bandit. We are poachers on this land because the manors are a terrible waste of useful land for the amusement of an ennobled few.
8. The bandits are robbing merchants along the old trade road. Bandits? Hardly. It’s not about money, it’s about sending a message. We’re destroying what we steal to bring down the entire organized economy!
9. Hijackers have stolen the fall livestock herds, we have no beef! We’re not bandits. We’ve simply freed these noble animals from your carnivorous tyranny. Try some BEANS instead. *”bandit” brandishes fistful of beans*
10. Now the bandits have captured the spring chicken wagons, we have no eggsssssss! Look, the chickens in this region are an intrusive breed from across the sea; escaped individuals are interbreeding with cockatrices in the hills. Isn’t giving up omelets for a few years worth it if it prevents a demon chicken from turning your gnome illusionist into a garden gnome?
11. Nefarious criminals are in the employ of the OLDE DRAGON in the mountain. “Employ”? Hah, we wish. We dump treasure in her lair once a year, and in return, she doesn’t raze the countryside. We take a very small commission for this invaluable service! 
12. Small bands of desperados have picked the land clean of anything useful! Uh, we’re foraging parties ranging out in advance of a massive army. You should be evacuating. Like yesterday.
13. The outlaws are breaking into houses and going through our things, but they don’t take anything? I’m so confused? We’re concerned members of the community who are taking a proactive approach to crime by judiciously investigating residences for signs of imminent criminal activity. Obviously no one likes dealing with a break-in, but in the long term, this prevents much worse crime!
14. Bandits have broken into the medical college and stolen all the preserved braaainsss! Hi, really sorry about this, but we are escaped prisoners from a mindflayer experiment. They put kleptophores inside our heads, and now we absolutely cannot stop stealing things. they wiggle with wormy energy while waiting for the PCs to reply
15. Robbers are working their way through the area to shake down anyone who has more than two coins to rub together. We’re actually reappropriating resources to the most needy in society. Hey, you have some nice gear. How about we discuss a nonviolent reappropriation plan, for the good of the community?
16. Bandits are camped outside our town, threatening our way of life! Actually the town promised to pay us for protection services and now is trying to renege on the deal. 
17. Our bucolic paradise has been disturbed by bandits who steal with stylish flair! Excuse us for trying to inject a little culture into this backwater with our interactive theater presentation of the Highwayman’s Daughter. These rubes just don’t appreciate art!
18. Horrible terrible no-good footpads broke into our homes and stole our furniture… waaah! I know it looks weird, but the flow of cosmic energy within this area is way out of whack. Rearranging all the home furnishings in a 10-mile radius will bring wealth, happiness, and long life to everyone. 
19. Bandits are everywhere! Bro, look around. This world is a kleptocracy. Didn’t you steal that magic sword out of some ancient tomb?
20. Roving vagabonds speaking the DEVIL’S TONGUE menace our homeland! [In the language of a far-off land] Actually we’re just really, really lost.

Seven Very Boring Cultist Hooks

Cultists are among the most common enemies in low-level D&D. As the modern style of D&D pivots further away from orcs and goblins as “default” enemies, cultists (like bandits) increasingly populate low-level adventures from Wizards of the Coast and third party publishers. 

In the real world, we can easily understand cults as those dabbling in dark, mysterious, or sinister arts; and that their interest stands in clear opposition to monotheistic religious norms among the broader population. A cult in a Call of Cthulhu or Unknown Armies game makes sense.

But in a world where a multi-polar pantheon is factually known, what is a cultist? Presumably someone worshiping an evil deity or a fiend. But relying on the Great Wheel and the good-evil alignment spectrum makes for static, uninteresting gameplay.

What if we define cults and cultists not by good and evil but by their social functions? How do they support or undermine the norms of the society they exist within, and how does their existence activate factions and create interesting roleplay scenarios?

It’s a secret society. Like the ancient Greek and Roman mystery cults, it is complementary to mainstream religion, but highly secret and prestigious. It may even allow for social power and advancement among marginalized outgroups like women and the poor.

It’s a schism from a mainstream religion. The “cultists” are in their own view the correct and true practitioners of the faith. It’s the majority of worshippers who are in the wrong. All the better if the same god seems to be granting spells or other divine favors to both groups…

It’s a back-to-basics movement. The cult legitimately wants to reform either the current predominant religion, or wants to return society to an earlier, purer, or better religion (possibly prior to foreign influence or conquest).

It’s funded by a rival power, whether spiritual or temporal. Another church, state, or entity is secretly supporting the cult’s efforts, hoping to sow unrest. 

It’s an elaborate scam to cheat a gullible rich person or persons. The lead cultist is officiating rituals as part of a long con targeting bored, wealthy citizens.

It’s just an excuse to throw parties. No legitimate religious purpose, just purely bacchanal. All the better when it actually does create a connection to the divine.

It’s just an excuse to kill people. Well, not every cult has to have some deep and complex motivation. Sometimes it is simply a charismatic sociopath draping themself in the legitimacy of the divine, or a cold killer using cultic trappings to throw off investigations into their (ultimately kind of secular) murder spree.

Next week: 20 Extremely Boring Bandit Hooks

Rolling Dice and Information Density

Physical dice are great. They feel good to roll. 

But they have drawbacks. They can stop the action. The DM may have to pause or artificially slow the narration and adjudication of events while waiting on a roll. New players often roll slowly or mix up the dice.

Some games condense the number of rolls. The Bastionland family of games drops to-hit rolls; all attacks hit, and characters roll for damage. PBtA games resolve a lot of fiction in a single roll.

In other systems, we can still condense the process of rolling. I always encourage my players to roll damage at the same time as an attack roll (and it’s almost always combat we’re talking about when dice are slowing down the action).

Can we add more information density to a roll? At the simplest level, that’s like a rolling 2d8 for Thogdar’s flaming longsword, with a black die representing the blade’s damage and a red die representing the fire damage. The overloaded encounter die is another example of adding information density.

So how can we pack more information density into those rolls? A good way is treating where the dice land as another output, in addition to what their faces show.

Roll on the Map

Are you using a battle map or an exploration map? Roll the dice directly onto it. This is certainly not an original idea – it’s been featured in more than one game, although I’m blanking on which ones (and welcome comments to that effect).

But it’s great. Burning meteors falling from the sky? Roll some d12s onto the map. The spot where each die lands is an impact point, and the result on each die is the radius of the blast of fiery debris.

If instead of meteors, we have artillery fire zeroing in on the characters, adjust accordingly. On the first round, drop the dice from four feet above the table, and then halve that elevation each subsequent round. As you get closer to the table, you’ll become more accurate. The need to win or escape the battle will not be lost on any player at the table. 

Roll on the Character Sheet

When a monster hits a character, the DM rolls the damage die on the player’s character sheet, interpreting the outcome of the attack based on where the die lands. On their equipment? Something might have just been smashed. On their dexterity score? It could be an injury inflicting a temporary penalty to that attribute.

Tabletop Shuffleboard 

Incorporate a system like tabletop shuffleboard directly in the game. Draw out a diagram on a large piece of paper and label some big triangles and rectangles. The labels could indicate changes in fictional positioning, environmental effects, chase obstacles, whatever we want. When the DM and the players roll dice for anything, they try to roll onto desirable places on the table. As in shuffleboard, croquet-like impacts can change opponents’ fortunes. Clearly identifiable color-coded dice are a must here.

Downsides and Caveats

Clearly, these ideas mostly only work in physical spaces. Some VTTs can simulate die rolling, but it’s not a function of player skill. 

Rolling on a battle map requires, well, using a battle map. I usually prefer theater of the mind for most combat. Rolling on character sheets requires each player to have a physical piece of paper in front of them, by no means typical of many tables.

These are also physical dexterity games. Not everyone wants that in a game that otherwise doesn’t test physical skills, and differences in capability, ability, or skill could pull attention away from the fictional action. Consult with your players before incorporating these ideas in a game. 

Broken Wheel Cosmology: Demons

Previously Broken Wheel Cosmology posts explored different ways of thinking about gods. Implicit in the exercise is that godhood is not a yes/no state, but a spectrum of conditions across which various immortal, supernatural, and extraplanar entities exist.

D&D’s own metaphysics in recent editions support this idea. The warlock can gain many of the same benefits as a cleric through a pact with a fiend, fey, old one, or even a celestial. Implicit is the idea that the “gods” merely have a strong brand as the distributors of power to the mortal realms; but that’s not exclusive.

So how can we think about those other creatures that have god-like power? How do they fit into our cosmology? Let’s start with demons.

What is a Demon?

The chaotic planes of the demons are worlds where pure Id can shape existence. Will to power is a concrete, observable law of their universe. Will something into being, for good or for ill, and it can just happen.

Demons are repulsed by the material world, bound by inert, inoperable physical laws that individuals largely cannot influence. It’s abhorrent to demons. To them it feels like an artificial, dead, soulless, nothing-place.

How do you roleplay a demon on the material plane? Basically like a person who believes they are in a simulation of reality and wants out. A demon feels no remorse for killing or destruction, because nothing here is real. In fact, this place is a mockery of true life (demonic life). Imagine the movie the Matrix from the perspective of one of the ordinary people oblivious to the fact that they are in a simulation; to them, the movie's heroes would be like demons.

Demons are sometimes drawn to mortals who wish to bring extreme change to the world. Such mortals could be anyone from an obsessive artist to a driven serial killer to a revolutionary who wants to see the kingdom burn. The moral valence isn’t interesting or important to the demon. The important thing is the person wants to bring disruption and entropy to the system.

While demons can’t be reasoned with, they can be swayed by emotional appeals. But this rarely lasts for long. Even a relatively sympathetic demon is going to end up killing and destroying sooner or later. A demon is a bull in a china shop full of china decorated with horribly offensive anti-bull illustrations.

Missing Memories (Part 2)

Last week: Missing Memories (Part 1) 

Last week I detailed three possible approaches for our amnesia-themed campaign. What did we go with? Well, we didn’t really use any of those ideas. Or, in a sense, we used all of them.

After consideration, my desire was to reduce those hacks down to the simplest, most universal rule possible. So in a sense, the output encompasses what each of those mechanics were trying to do:

• Flashing Before Your Eyes: The mechanic can still be used at “instant-speed” to save your bacon, but it’s not tied exclusively to such moments.
• Piecing It Together: Memories are tied to leveling up; leveling up comes from exploring. The basic gameplay loop is supported.
• Incepting Your Past: The recovered memories still function as a sort of background/class system, when desired.

We also added some context for roleplaying fantastic amnesia, with serious inspiration from the rules for the Fugue system.

Below are the rules in their current form in our campaign guidebook.

Amnesia and Flashbacks

Roleplaying Fantastic Amnesia

You have complete amnesia -- what people sometimes call "Hollywood amnesia." This is distinct from real-world medical conditions that involve memory loss, and the two should not be confused. Our use of amnesia is nothing more than a convenient narrative conceit to frame the game.

Assume the following is true. If you want your character to deviate from these assumptions, discuss your ideas with the DM.

You can speak, read, and write English. You intuitively know "common sense" things that most adult humans would know. You can do basic math. You know what everyday tools and objects are for. You have a basic understanding of how the world works.

You do not have any specialized skills or trained information. You have forgotten this information, and getting it back via flashbacks is part of the game.

You lack any specific cultural information. For example, you understand the concepts of theater, politics, and sports, but you can't remember any specific plays; you couldn’t say who you voted for, or if you even come from a democracy; and you couldn’t explain the specific rules of any particular game.

Flashbacks

A flashback is a recovered memory, something that you remember at a key moment. It’s a moment from your previous life, and may tie into other flashbacks and memories you’ve had before.

Flashbacks happen in dangerous or high-stakes situations. Imagine you are about to fall off a cliff, or staring at a bomb ticking toward detonation, or attempting to rescue someone from a raging river. You focus and ask yourself, “was there something about the person I was before I lost my memories that would help me here?”

How It Works

A flashback can happen at any time; if you are in a situation that involves initiative, it doesn't need to be your turn. Declare that your character is experiencing a flashback. If you have an idea of what the flashback might be, briefly describe what is happening, and the DM will ask you questions or suggest additional detail. If you’re not sure what the flashback might be, the DM will ask you a question or give you a prompt, and you will exchange details until the flashback comes into focus.

The DM will bring a “yes, and” attitude to flashbacks, but reserves a final veto on all details of the flashback, particularly if the events in the flashback would contradict information the players don’t yet know, or would constrain or conflict with the actions and intents of other PCs or NPCs.

A flashback will usually be between one player and the DM. The player may ask for suggestions or ideas from others, but other players should otherwise stay in “audience mode” and listen until the flashback ends.

Resolving the Situation

Depending on the situation that triggered the flashback, the DM will adjudicate how the flashback helps the character in their present situation. Typically, it will provide one of the following:

• Automatic success on a save that would have otherwise required a roll.
• Advantage on a save that otherwise would have been made neutrally or with disadvantage.
• A chance to roll a save in a situation where a save otherwise wouldn’t have been allowed.
• A second chance at a save after a failed save.
• A new approach or option for addressing the present situation.
• A reprieve from some injury, harm, or negative status that would have otherwise been applied.

Tracking Abilities

The flashback does not just help you in your present situation. The recovered memory is part of your character’s skillset going forward.

The PC and the DM should agree on a short phrase that describes the relevant ability. Add this phrase to your character sheet. This phrase could be verb-object (like “repair machinery”) or a job or background description (like “cook”).

Generally the DM will err in favor of the PCs when deciding if an ability could apply to a situation. But they also will not hesitate to tell you no if something feels like a stretch. If you are unsure if an ability will apply, ask the DM before you attempt it, and they will tell you before you commit.

Abilities can be a bit “fuzzy.” You can add a bit more detail later on, as long as it stays true to what happened in the flashback.

Serendipity by Design

If it seems awfully convenient that just as you find a useful item or encounter a dangerous situation, you recover a memory that helps you out, remember that the incident or object is what has triggered the flashback. Also bear in mind that our game is set in a fantastic world where serendipity may well be an actual force in the universe, as much as gravity, magnetism, or magic are. 

The More You Know

Exploring the world and taking risks primes your mind to accommodate more memories and associated abilities. You can recover a number of memories equal to your level. You can never recover more than one memory per session.